15 July 2011 @ 11:35 pm
Sorry for spamming your f-page

I've graduated from uni this semester. The ceremony will be held on September but some of my friends has already gotten jobs.
At first I didn't really pay much attention about this status of mine.
Yes, I'm totally a NEET now (Not in Education, Employment and Training)
Then this morning my aunt pointed out about this. (I'm currently in my aunt's house spending my unlimited holiday)
She said, "Don't just get a job. You need to get a proper job in a big place."

No, I thought. I still haven't had any intention to search for a job yet.
I still want to laze around (and [livejournal.com profile] ninotan will always diligently scolds me and told me to get settle)
But maybe... after a deep thinking, why I don't want to get a job is because I'm afraid.

I remember, one of my friend graduated one semester before me.
And she was totally not bothered to get a job, though all of my/her friend who were graduated at the same time had already got a proper job.
When I asked her, she said she was afraid that she is not competent enough if she entered a company.
Yes, I do have some fears about it.
Like, what kind of company should I enter. First of all, my major is very vast.
I could enter any kind of industry, but not like an accountant, eventhough accountant can enter whatever company, their job/task will remain the same.
It's not the same in my case. If I entered oil and gas company, I will have different task compared if I entered manufacturing industry. The main purpose of my position will remain the same in any industry which is to prevent accident or work related diseases. But the detail, the risk, the hazards will be very different in each industry.
Most of my friends in uni are ambitious people. They loved talking about how they want to enter oil and gas company like Total, chevron, British petroleum, conocco phillips or whatever O&G companies. I know, It's very prestigious to enter O&G company in my major. And you don't need to worry about the salary cause it's very high. Most of them have system two weeks on, two weeks off (especially in off shore). But looks like I lost my own self already. I don't want to work on O&G companies.
It's just too hard for me. First most of the workers must be male (I know it for sure). And I hate to acknowledge that in this modern era, still there is gender discrimination. Second, O&G has a very complicated production process.
I once helped my lecturer and became helper for her training about HAZOPS. It's a risk assessment in O&G industry. @_@
It's so difficult to understand, lots of weird terms. :/
I don't have any confidence if I enter O&G industry.

Okay, let's put O&G companies aside.
You still have a lot industry to enter, right?
But, I still have no confidence. Am I really competent enough to be in professional work?
I need to keep it in mind. My job is not a playful zone. We're holding a huge responsibilities. We're holding employees life in our hands.
That's why I'm afraid to enter O&G company. What if something happened? explosion from tank and there is victim. Safety officer will stand in the frontline.
Maybe I don't know how to live my life anymore if someone is killed.
Well, it's actually same for every industries, someone could get killed if there is an accident, but O&G has a higher risk than any other industries.
What should I do? Why I can't think positive?!
Maybe I'm not suited with this line of work?

I have so many things in my head. I can't think straight anymore.

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