15 July 2011 @ 11:35 pm
Inner mind battle :/  
Sorry for spamming your f-page

I've graduated from uni this semester. The ceremony will be held on September but some of my friends has already gotten jobs.
At first I didn't really pay much attention about this status of mine.
Yes, I'm totally a NEET now (Not in Education, Employment and Training)
Then this morning my aunt pointed out about this. (I'm currently in my aunt's house spending my unlimited holiday)
She said, "Don't just get a job. You need to get a proper job in a big place."

No, I thought. I still haven't had any intention to search for a job yet.
I still want to laze around (and [livejournal.com profile] ninotan will always diligently scolds me and told me to get settle)
But maybe... after a deep thinking, why I don't want to get a job is because I'm afraid.

I remember, one of my friend graduated one semester before me.
And she was totally not bothered to get a job, though all of my/her friend who were graduated at the same time had already got a proper job.
When I asked her, she said she was afraid that she is not competent enough if she entered a company.
Yes, I do have some fears about it.
Like, what kind of company should I enter. First of all, my major is very vast.
I could enter any kind of industry, but not like an accountant, eventhough accountant can enter whatever company, their job/task will remain the same.
It's not the same in my case. If I entered oil and gas company, I will have different task compared if I entered manufacturing industry. The main purpose of my position will remain the same in any industry which is to prevent accident or work related diseases. But the detail, the risk, the hazards will be very different in each industry.
Most of my friends in uni are ambitious people. They loved talking about how they want to enter oil and gas company like Total, chevron, British petroleum, conocco phillips or whatever O&G companies. I know, It's very prestigious to enter O&G company in my major. And you don't need to worry about the salary cause it's very high. Most of them have system two weeks on, two weeks off (especially in off shore). But looks like I lost my own self already. I don't want to work on O&G companies.
It's just too hard for me. First most of the workers must be male (I know it for sure). And I hate to acknowledge that in this modern era, still there is gender discrimination. Second, O&G has a very complicated production process.
I once helped my lecturer and became helper for her training about HAZOPS. It's a risk assessment in O&G industry. @_@
It's so difficult to understand, lots of weird terms. :/
I don't have any confidence if I enter O&G industry.

Okay, let's put O&G companies aside.
You still have a lot industry to enter, right?
But, I still have no confidence. Am I really competent enough to be in professional work?
I need to keep it in mind. My job is not a playful zone. We're holding a huge responsibilities. We're holding employees life in our hands.
That's why I'm afraid to enter O&G company. What if something happened? explosion from tank and there is victim. Safety officer will stand in the frontline.
Maybe I don't know how to live my life anymore if someone is killed.
Well, it's actually same for every industries, someone could get killed if there is an accident, but O&G has a higher risk than any other industries.
What should I do? Why I can't think positive?!
Maybe I'm not suited with this line of work?

I have so many things in my head. I can't think straight anymore.

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[identity profile] ohmiya-sari.livejournal.com on July 15th, 2011 05:02 pm (UTC)
daijobu dayo...something must be wait for ur succes...our life have given by GOD...just try to take a chalenge,,!!
Dont think too much,,bcoz sometimes what u think its not will turn like that,,

I have more big problem than u...cos I still in my Uni,,its been six year since I enter my college,,
and I'm not graduated yet cos in the past two years,,i just been lazy cos something happen to me that time,n now I'm really regret it..but I must move forward,,

Dakara Ganbatte kudasai...
[identity profile] kazukazu89.livejournal.com on July 15th, 2011 05:18 pm (UTC)
I know I must take a challenge.. but...
aaah.. why life must be so hard..

eh, you're in ITB right?
Is it okay if you pass six years in uni? I heard ITB has same system like UI, to DO-ed student if you pass six years of study.

If you don't mind, may I ask what happen to you in the past two years?

Thank you for cheering me up :D
[identity profile] ohmiya-sari.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 03:39 am (UTC)
No..No..I'm in Jogja now,,i just enter UPN V jogja..

I dont why like that,,got lazy all the time,,past maybe three years now,,first time I have boyfriend,,n when I realize,,i dont feel like I'm good with relationship, dakara everything going bad,,i can handle my life again,,n I dont know what should I do,,boyfriend who's not compatible with my personality,,my family dont like I'm with him,but I can make a break up,,I just feel so depreesed for the next two years till I found Arashi n start to avoid my boyfriend cos arashi make me feel the real me,me who like usual when I dont have boyfriend,,n for the sake of My life,cos what I need just freedom,so I make a big decision to break up even y boyfriend dont want but I cant happy if like this,,dakara now I start again n hope January next year I graduated,now I realize that alone is better for me,yappari ne I dont like to have a boyfriend roght now,,sorry to write long,,but the 3 years ago I want to forget,,I think that just a big mistake for my life,

dakara,,I love to cheer up people even my life not good now,,but I like to hear a good story,,,
Ganbatte ne...!!
[identity profile] kazukazu89.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 04:09 am (UTC)
ooh you're in UPN now.. hoo..

I never had any boyfriend in my entire life, so I don't know how it feels.
But I hope you could find happiness if you decide to start a new relationship. Of course with the right guy. Hehe..

Ganbatte ne for graduating next January. I'll pray for you too!!
[identity profile] ohmiya-sari.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 05:46 am (UTC)
yes,,yes,,but now,,i dont seem feel like start a relationshipagain,,coooz its not suite me who love be alone (of course I have friends but they know I like alone n dont care if dont have a boyfriend)

now i realize that if I'm fall in love with someone,,i dont really want to be his girlfriend,just the feel in love its OK,,
now I can be myself again,,n now my love is Arashi,,hahaa,,,

[identity profile] ohmiya-sari.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 05:49 am (UTC)
and that time I think this is the first and the last time i have a boyfriend till I found someone who seems like my personality...hehehe...but i really dont like that kind of relationship...I love myself to be free more,,,
[identity profile] azraqey.livejournal.com on July 15th, 2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
BB, I can understand your feeling. Me too. Next two semester I'll do my thesis and be graduated.
For now, I just finished my industrial training...and it make me think...it's really hard in a real working world ne...it did make me afraid. But then I realised, nothing is easy. Working is difficult, study is also hard. But we need to make a decision.

Don't worry to much, bb. Consult your senior, survey the places, check the information on net. You just don't need to follow others. Choose what you like most or what do yo think will fit you..it's okay to start from the bottom, as long as you try.

Rest assured, bb. You'll be okay. I know you can do it. Pray for the sign, He'll give you the best. ^_^

I'll pray for you too. Ganbare, Hime~~ ^_^
[identity profile] kazukazu89.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 04:14 am (UTC)
Ah, I think you're right.
I don't need to follow others.
I just need to choose whatever fit me the best.

Thank you Mada! I'll pray!!
[identity profile] showjuro.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 12:31 am (UTC)
I understand how you feel. I mean, we can study and study, but when it comes to working, everything will be different. And you might feel like you totally don't know anything although you have graduated.

But we have to give it a try, even if we might have to go through A LOT.

For starters, try hunting for a job :) You can't stay at your aunt's house forever and marathon Arashi although I do approve of marathoning.
[identity profile] kazukazu89.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 04:23 am (UTC)
I will.. I just don't know where to start.
I'm thinking about alot of aspects like the workplace distances (cause I can't handle traffic jam very well, I tend to be impatient and in Jakarta traffic is such a daily thing. LOL), and then what kind of industry should I choose and of course salary.
I don't want to be a typical my uni students who often jumps from one company to another because of higher salary, some of company even blacklist my uni because of this phenomenon.
Maaa.. maybe I'll stat finding a job after Idul Fitri. I'm gonna some research for the time being.

Thank you for your encouragement. It means alot to me :D
[identity profile] showjuro.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 12:53 pm (UTC)
Hmm, remind me what you graduated in again? Something about industrial safety is it? It is kinda hard if you have too many choices, heh...

I see... I agree that it's not good to jump here and there *thinks of Freeter*

You're welcome! I'm glad my comment helped :)
[identity profile] katietorresm.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 03:31 am (UTC)
nino!twin! It really is scary to start working, and even scarier to decide what company you will enter, especially in your chosen field. Things that we study are only in theory, it's scarier when you go and really do it as a job. I think it's important to remember WHY you chose this course, and to always keep that in mind. It's natural to become scared, but you will never know or experience new things if you don't try. It's a big responsibility, I know, but change that emotion into something positive. Just knowing the fact that you can help SAVE lives may be scary, but be comforted by the fact that your helping people out, helping them to live. Remember, there is nothing you can't do, unless you've challenged them. And it's always your choice whether you want to go to an O&G company or another, it's really a measure of prestige or anything,I think. hahaha. long comment, but I hope it helped. GOOD LUCK!
[identity profile] kazukazu89.livejournal.com on July 16th, 2011 04:26 am (UTC)
I'm so happy to have such a nice fellow fangirls.
Your words of encouragement means a lot for me. The time when I can't talk to my RL friends, I have you all here. I really really love you all.
And I don't mind a long comment XD

I'm gonna give it a shot. Wish me luck Katie!
I realized I'm not grown up yet though I'm already 22nd.. LOL